Sometimes it’s really nice to get lost. It’s often easier to let yourself drift away than to fight. Fighting always means an effort, but also makes you feel powerful. So what happens if you stop fighting?
In most situations I choose to rather be a fighter than a wimp but even the best fighters sometimes loose. I’m afraid of frailties and even more afraid about seeing myself as a failure. The last two weeks were exhausting, because I struggled with myself. I’m always super focused and very disciplined and not reaching my goals really throws me off the rack. I tend to be very self-critical and dissatisfied with myself when I can’t accomplish all my tasks. I took many breaks from work which is a good thing for me but also makes me anxious about the upcoming time. Not working means more work in the future and rises my fear. I’m feeling wasted now. I’m already feeling drained although I just made the half of what I usually do. I feels like shit and I’m not proud of myself (anymore).
Sometimes I suffer from panic attacks. What helps me to not freak out is a very strict routine. Do sports three times a week, always get up early, never go sleeping after 11 p.m. and also dividing the day into different areas of work (university, blog, part-time job, home). I’ve lost my routine and I’m feeling like I’m walking on shaky ground now, which might be the reason, why I leave this weeks post rather short but honest. By the way: the panic attacks are coming from my hypothyroidism which is already under medical treatment but it hasn’t changed much since I started with the therapy. Anyone with me?
Hope your last week was better than mine,
Dress. H&M Conscious Exclusive.